If Friends Characters Owned Businesses
Here at instantprint we think everyone has a business idea in them. This quite often ends up with us theorising what small companies characters from our favourite TV shows and films would start up.
In the office we’ve been chatting about what kind of start-ups the Friends characters would have if they opened a business in 2018. We came up with some pretty entertaining results, and created fantasy poster designs for each start up business.
Ross: 'The Divorce Force'
As Phoebe declares, Ross’ thing is divorce. So why not make some money from it? Ross ‘the Divorcer’ Geller (as he dubs himself in series 9) has plenty of expertise to draw from.
He could use his business to offer coaching for people going through the process - how to defend themselves against accusations of adultery (“we were on a break!”), what compromises to make (give up all your furniture and your apartment to appease your spouse), and much more.
Of course, Ross doesn’t really need to be spinning extra cash – “he got tenure!” – but it never hurts. We’ve based Ross’ profits on the average data for advice and support services, which means The Divorce Force would enjoy around 2.58% net profit.
Chandler: 'BING2B Transpondster Services'
We spend most of Friends having almost no idea what Chandler does. It’s something to do with transponding.
Although he did move into advertising in series 9, this meant a pay cut. And we’re not sure all his ideas would’ve caught on (“cheese – it’s milk that you chew”).
Maybe Chandler turns back to his career in numbers to churn out a bit more cash. At least this time he wouldn’t have to deal with his boss’ very ‘hands on’ form of appreciation.
A business in accountancy would certainly help him rake in more cash. With an average net profit of 26.26%, Chandler’s start-up would be the most profitable of those we thought of for the Friends.
Monica: ‘Monica Clean’
Monica’s business was the easiest to think of. We all jumped straight to a catering business. But her last attempt wasn’t a roaring success (fingernail hors d’oeuvres and moustachioed Tom Selleck anyone?).
After years in the restaurant biz, we thought Monica might turn to her next great love – cleaning. Who better than the constant clean freak to start a business sharing her expertise? Those hoovers won’t vacuum themselves!
Monica wouldn’t only offer an expert cleaning service – she could throw in some expert tips, too. Classics like keeping your duvet tag at the bottom righthand corner of your bed and folding toilet paper to a point are mainstays of any functioning household, right?
Money wouldn’t be too bad if she went down this route either. On top of the wage from her company, Monica would be looking at about 4% net profit from her business. And let’s face it, start-up costs would be pretty low because she probably owns all the equipment already.
Joey: ‘How You Doin’ Dating Services’
Joey’s most famous and (somehow) almost never-failing chat up line could be his greatest strength in his start up.
Living in a Tinder world, Joey could try to share his expertise with those less successful on the dating scene. He does this a lot in the series (with Ross, Chandler, the guy who controlled Cheese, Rachel and many, many more) so why not get paid for it?
Joey claims to have fool-proof ways to get girls to fall for him (his famous Mount Tibidabo hiking story led to the Ross and Rachel rendezvous that produced Emma!). He could coach people to use his techniques themselves. We just hope his students treat their partners better than Joey does!
As a business in recreation, Joey would be looking at getting about 2.12% of turnover as net profit – which would be handy if the Days of Our Lives gig ever dries up.
Phoebe tended to flit about a bit with her employment during the series. She was mainly employed as a masseuse.
To give her business an edge in 2018, we thought she could revive her inspirational ‘Relaxi-Taxi’ idea from series 4. With years of experience in massage, and a driving partner in her husband Mike, Relaxi-Taxi could be the new in-thing for NYC travel.
Where else could you get authentic Swedish massage, original accompanying music and efficient (if somewhat jerky) transport, all in one place?
The profit margins for the business wouldn’t be terrible either. Net profit for healthcare support (including physio and massage) is at 2.58%, and for transport it’s 4.44%. Pheebs would be sitting somewhere nicely between these two figures.
At the end of the series we were all oohing and aahing as Rachel got off the plane. But realistically she left herself in a pretty sticky situation job-wise.
Before she went away, she had blown off Ralph Lauren after they offered her some pretty hefty incentives to stay. And then she quit Louis Vuitton before she even started – despite the fact they had already forked out for planes and accommodation.
After this she might have needed to look elsewhere for a job. Luckily, pretty soon after, the internet took off. With her fashion know-how (keeping ahead of the apartment pants trend) and contacts (who else has Barney’s on speed-dial?) Rachel would be perfect as a fashion blogger and influencer.
Her friends could provide some great topics to cover. ‘What to Do When you Get the Hummus – Covering Stains at Short Notice’ would have been great for Phoebe in ‘The One Where No-One is Ready’. Even Ross’ wisecracks could provide some inspo: ‘Jurassic Parka – This Season’s Must-Have Vintage Coats’.
Falling under advertising, Rachel would be doing alright from her business. As well as money factored into her wage, she would be left with around 5.45% of revenue in net profit.